From early on here in South Africa, I have been blessed with beautiful friendships and generosity of spirit, feeling welcomed by many, across our racial divide.

I came by invitation, by Luke and his colleague Glynnis who were both passionately committed to transformation, social justice, and equity. It was in 2002, eight years after liberation. “Come and work with our sisters,” Luke said. “Bring your entrepreneurial acumen, business knowledge, and mentoring skills. We have been excluded from the possibilities of business start-ups for so long”.

Luke joined as a trustee of Nala – Partners, a social entrepreneurship organization I initiated in Cape Town to support women with business start-ups and career development. In my mid-fifties, a long-lasting cycle as a business executive, including building a successful international management consulting firm in the ICT sector came to an end. My mind and heart shifted towards wishing to share my knowledge, skills, and resources with women in newly liberated societies, such as Afghanistan in 2001 and South Africa.

Since my youth, I have stored in my soul images of women maintaining dignity during the harshest of times. I remember photos of Jewish women being torn out of cattle wagons after atrocious inhuman shipping to Nazi concentration camps. Disheveled, starving, pale, and hollow-eyed their poise and facial expression remained deeply dignified. Today I still carry photos of Afghan women who, in 2001 were able to lift their veils. After years of brutal oppression and death threats by the Taliban, some smiled serenely, others fearlessly looked into the camera conveying – ‘our spirit cannot be destroyed’, so dignified and courageous.

Here in South Africa, I have met black women and men, people of color, and Muslim activists who convey powerful messages: ‘I will not be dragged down to the level of hate and bitterness; my soul is grounded in the nobility of faith and our tradition of honoring collectivity’; showing dignity in the face of adversity. This has been a very special gift of welcome to South Africa, such levels of human decency unknown to me before.

I was immediately drawn to black people and people of color when I arrived. Not long after that, I was very fortunate to be introduced to formidable black and colored leaders in their field. Stalwarts of moral rectitude, passionately committed to dialogue, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

I met and engaged with accomplished black leaders and sophisticated personalities as well as courageous young people in various townships pursuing their vision for life, despite many of us whites still deliberately blind spotting black struggle.

This opened my eyes to the injustice and brutality of Apartheid and the preceding colonial oppression of black society. Reading a friend’s book about trauma and forgiveness together with many other historical accounts of black suffering and fierce resistance has been most jolting.

I became aware of racism within and all around me. That post-apartheid white society showed many of the same patterns as post-Nazi German society – both remain that way today: resistance about facing and owning up to past destructive choices, defense mechanisms such as denial, blaming, self-victimizing, and fragmentation that divide rather than unite.

My journey of facing the truth began, with much support (even though often challenging) from black people and a wide variety of people of color showing grace, love, and mercy. During this process of reflection, I began to deal with guilt and shame that re-surfaced from my youth when I learned about the Holocaust and my parent’s role in it.

The process of facing history started with my grieving deep-seated shame. In upcoming essays, I will write in greater detail about the process of examining my values, and beliefs and working through identity fragmentation toward acceptance and integration. Life may have been challenging at times, but the color of my skin wasn’t one of the things that made it harder.

An excerpt from a keynote speech by Dr. Beverly Tatum at the University of the Free State, Bloemfontein, 2013: The True Meaning of Reconciliation captures the challenges of owning our history and choices:

… Engaging in a meaningful way with those we have been socialized to mistrust requires some courage. Why? Because we have to be brave enough to have our assumptions challenged and redefine our values and identity.
If we want a better society, one characterized by strength, trust, and unity, we must interrupt the cycle that perpetuates and reinforces the stereotypes and prejudicial attitudes that are so instrumental in the maintenance of oppression and inequality….. Dr. Beverly Tatum, President Spellman College, USA.

I have witnessed grand and magnanimous examples of forgiveness coupled with fearless and passionate engagement by black survivors of Apartheid atrocities; equally, there are inspiring stories of white people, despite having lost family members to apartheid killers, nevertheless offered forgiveness and worked actively towards reconciliation. These examples of grace encourage all of us to rise beyond hate, victimhood, or apathy.

It was a precious gift being invited and welcomed into black family kinship as a caring human being beyond whiteness and colonial settler history. And it was through talking with and listening to new friends and wise guides and teachers.  This dialogue process has reinforced for me the importance of facing history in ourselves.

Today, 30 years after liberation from Apartheid, many of us whites are still insulating and distancing. The process of building bridges and engaging in an active reversal of racist transgressions is so slow and seems cumbersome.

Why can’t we show up? I feel disheartened at times. Have we whites passed our ‘sell-by date’ in terms of goodwill extended to us by black society? Nice gestures and passing on used clothes aren’t good enough. Many of the younger black generation are angry, say it, and show it too. And, many young white ones are hardened with resentment, withdrawing further into ideologically incestuous, closed groups of the same kind.

Reading Professor Archille Mbembe’s work, these observations stand out:  ….shaping white subjectivity – insulation – segregation has led to willful ignorance not knowing of the reality of back people. This deliberate ignorance is the basis for being unable to be in touch with the world of others. I am ignorant of the suffering of the people I oppressed; I am innocent. Innocence-based ‘social contract’ whites have with each other …

This resonates with my observations of daily life around me. Here too I will post on my website stories of everyday encounters of those bringing hope as well as those more challenging encounters. Through years of restorative dialog, I have learned that there is a way to open the door through the walls of denial in the younger white generations, either in groups or individually.

It is the space of their and my pain and suffering, manifesting often as challenging life management dysfunctions.

The cost of being socialized into an ideology of superiority is dire. Do we white people have to go through deep, possibly life-threatening suffering (on all levels) to become ‘reachable’? Maybe.

In conversations, I say to a member: “The resentment you just thrust at this black woman (your neighbor, housekeeper, teacher, doctor, store clerk) comes from somewhere inside you. How many times a day do you feel belittling and hateful thoughts and speak angrily and aggressively towards her – ten times, a hundred times? Inside you, there is a hate muscle that pumps up every day and gets bigger and more dominant like a body-building six-pack.

What about your heart muscle? Feeling and speaking words of value and appreciation towards a black person; how many times a day – zero? Maybe three, or five times? So, that muscle is shriveling into a frozen heart.

“This happens to me when I judge harshly and criticize without even knowing the other person. With every angry, resentful feeling and word, I cut off a piece of my humanness until I am so dehumanized; that I become blocked off from within. Like so many people I meet during healing dialog, to create a sense of value within, substitutes like social status, money power, drugs, alcohol, food, sex, and any other compulsion become their fix.

This is a tragic illusion and leads to a vicious cycle that does not alleviate but rather feeds pain, shame, and psychological instability; it increases resentment, especially toward oneself. Statistics of domestic violence in white society are growing massively. So, as we continue hating black people we destroy ourselves in that process.

How can we heal from our dehumanizing beliefs and actions, and together relate, create, listen, and value each other in our diversity?  It is a long and complex journey, and it starts with me being willing, honest, and open to engage.

I want to share this process in further writing and be able to offer solutions towards peace-making dialog, both within and beyond our white community.

It is an immense gift today, to witness South African leaders having the courage, to summon Israel to the International Court of Justice – ICJ for committing gross human rights violations and genocidal extermination of Palestine and Palestinians.

The moral legitimacy of black leadership in South Africa as the purveyor of human decency, and respect for the humanness of the other is so poignantly captured in a book that appeared at the same time.; an act of provenance perhaps?  

…..’In his televised address to the nation on 13 April 1993, after the assassination of the highly revered liberation fighter Chris Hani, Nelson Mandela sought to build a new patriotism of the good, peace-loving South African and create a bulwark against those who sought to derail the democracy project.

This was a moment where Mandela illustrated that justice, democracy, and peace are all important – and none can be pursued at the expense of the other.

….. Mandela’s strength was that he appreciated the “authentic fears” of his opponents, that for many white South Africans to imagine freedom of the people they had humiliated for centuries – and that such freedom would come without vengeance – was impossible… Justice Malala*.

The invitation by Nelson Mandela and the many people with him who fought for a peaceful transition to democracy was a powerful welcome to us all, belonging as decent human beings – in unity!!

It obliges me, I believe, to honor our shared humanness, human interconnectedness with peacebuilding engagements – within and between us.

Several years ago, while confronting racism and its impact on life all around me, I decided to shift from entrepreneurship support into psychological work again, seeking to support the healing of relational attachment wounds and trauma response behavior through restorative dialog and counselling.

I believe that it is my calling to facilitate ‘inter-connectedness’ across the many culturally manufactured divisions that freeze our hearts; and to do so with respect, empathy, and caring.  It is my goal to inspire open conversation about discrimination and stereotyping, racism, perpetrator–victim dynamics, and the resulting inter-generational impact of a traumatic or shameful history.

The work of Pumla Gobodo–Madikizela has been a generous gift of mindful guidance and moral inspiration for me.   “…In a cultural milieu where connectedness to others is an essential feature of human relationships, an individual identity extends beyond self-focused individualism. A person’s identity is shaped by relationships with others and is inextricably intertwined with their identities. This shared humanity with others is captured in the African concept of ubuntu. …. The guiding principles of ubuntu are based on a morality that is Other-directed, concerned with promoting the ethical vision of compassion and care for others”….*

My heart and soul see the beauty and dignity in others, whom many have labeled unworthy deviants. All my life I have sought contact with ‘outcasts’ and have admired and been inspired by the souls of people who have risen above destructive fury imposed upon them with their dignity and grace shining through.

Seeing the beauty of the other can be an extraordinarily inspiring experience.

The End

*Appendix:

Photo with Mom Nobanthu Gobodo.

The Plot to Save South Africa – The Week Mandela Averted Civil War and Forged a New Nation, by Justice Malala. Simon & Schuster, April 2023.

Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela. University of Chicago Press – Chicago Journal 2011 Vol 36 # 3 Intersubjectivity and Embodiment: Exploring the role of the maternal in the language of Forgiveness and Reconciliation.

Dämonen haben meine Seele umwölkt, aber Engel beflügeln mein Herz.

Dieser Essay erzählt den ersten Teil von Anna Rosas Geschichte, die Welt, in die sie hineingeboren wird und in der sie sich angesichts unvereinbarer Lebensumstände orientieren musste. Starke Strömungen drohen sie in den Abgrund zu ziehen, in die Unterwelt, wo Dämonen herrschen. Eine wundersame Lebenskraft hilft ihr, die Möglichkeiten und die Schönheit der menschlichen Verbundenheit zu erkennen. Interkulturelle Kommunikation wird schon früh zu Anna Rosas Lebenstraum. Er entspringt der Verankerung in anderen Welten und der Führung durch weise und gütige Schutzengel.

Anna Rosa wurde in einem Flugzeug geboren und ist seither in Bewegung geblieben. Ihre Mutter Ziska besteht darauf, dass sie die Pyramiden gesehen hat, als sie während der Wehen nach Luft schnappte. Anna Rosas Vater Anton schwört, sie hätten das Pantheon in Athen überflogen. Und der Pilot vermerkte, dass das kleine Mädchen bei der Landung auf dem Flughafen von Aman, Jordanien, sicher entbunden wurde.

Und was sagst du, Anna-Rosa? “Ich wurde zwischen den Welten geboren und fühle mich in der Spannungszone, dem kreativen Freiraum, am wohlsten.  – zwischen dem Establishment und der Revolution”. Sie fährt fort: “Es ist meine Berufung, den Zyklus des generationenübergreifenden Hasses und der Bitterkeit innerhalb und zwischen uns zu durchbrechen.

Für Anna Rosa war es ein langer und schmerzhafter Navigationsprozess die Minenfelder der kulturellen, moralischen und beziehungspolitischen Fragmentierung zu erkennen.

Sie wurde in einer Zeit großen Umbruchs in Deutschland geboren, ein Jahr nach dem Ende des Völkermordes und der invasiven Kriegsführung der Nazis mit dem daraus resultierenden Zweiten Weltkrieg als Vergeltungsmaßnahme. Die Menschen waren in Bewegung, zutiefst verstört von den Folgen ihrer Taten. Millionen suchten nach einem Neuanfang, träumten vom idyllischen Familienleben und davon, wieder zu den guten und korrekten Menschen zu gehören. 

Warum haben wir uns nicht daran erinnert und zeigen heute Empathie und Solidarität angesichts der entsetzlichen, katastrophalen Vernichtung der Palästinenser?

Damals wurde eine Decke des Schweigens und der Verleugnung über die nationale deutsche Psyche gezogen. Das Bewusstsein über die mörderische Geschichte und die Mittäterschaft wurde im Inneren der Menschen abgespalten und in den Untergrund verbannt.

Das absichtlich herbeigeführte, kulturell konstruierte Post-Nazi-Denken konzentrierte sich kollektiv auf den wirtschaftlichen Erfolg – das sagenumwobene deutsche Wirtschaftswunder – um zu zeigen, was wir aufgebaut, geschaffen, erreicht und besessen haben – ein Beweis, dass wir würdig sind.

Für Viele war dies eine moralische Ablenkung, da sie sich den Folgen der grausamen, entmenschlichenden Entscheidungen, die sie zuvor getroffen hatten, nicht stellen anerkennen und betrauern konnten. Es war Verleugnung um jeden Preis. Die Folgen waren für Viele eine tiefe Fragmentierung der Identität: der einerseits erfolgreiche äußere Performer. Anderseits das verbannte und unterdrückte Innere, emotionale, moralische und spirituelle Herz.

Und wie selbstverständlich verankerte sich die Gesellschaft wieder in einer autoritären Werteordnung mit dem Anspruch auf westliche, Europäische Überlegenheit.

Diese Fragmentierung ist bis heute so tief verwurzelt, dass die brutale und grausame völkermörderische Auslöschung palästinensischer Existenz so leicht und mühelos in den morastigen, moralischen Untergrund verdrängt wird.

Anna Rosas wiederkehrender Traum, in einem Flugzeug geboren zu sein, spiegelt die Bestrebungen ihrer Eltern für ihr Neugeborenes wider, tabula rasa, makellos. Neugeborene Deutsche waren sowohl die Hoffnung auf Wiedergutmachung als auch die Erben unbewältigter Schuld, Scham und Wut – das generationenübergreifende Trauma-Gepäck.

Ziska ermutigte ihre Tochter, in die Welt aufzubrechen. Sie schenkte Anna Rosa in jugendlichen Jahren neu erschienene Biografien von Pionierfrauen und -männern. Diese Menschen waren in der Welt aktiv und engagierten sich furchtlos als soziale Aktivisten gegen Rassismus und Bigotterie. „Es muss nicht so sein“, lautete Ziskas Botschaft. „Es kann auch anders sein“. Eine Art Aufforderung für Anna Rosa, vielleicht in gewisser Weise auch die unerfüllten Fantasien ihrer Mutter zu verwirklichen.

Für eine kurze Zeit konnten Mutter und Tochter gemeinsam planen und spielen; es war sehr lieb. Jedoch, die inneren Dämonen der Familie tobten und krallten sich ihren Weg zur Dominanz; Alkoholismus, Bitterkeit, Depression und Gewalt gewannen die Oberhand und hinterließen zwei verwirrte Kinder, Anna Rosa und ihren Bruder.

Statt eines sorglosen, ungetrübten neuen Lebens, das für Anna Rosa viel zu früh   endete, zerbrachen dringend benötigte Beziehungen.

Die sterbende Mutter, die in ihrem Schmerz und ihrer Verzweiflung in den Wellen der Gewalt, der Gehässigkeit und des seelischen Vandalismus ertrinkt.

Schule, Dorf, Gemeinde und Kirche waren bedrückend normativ, strafend und streng, was Anna Rosa Angst machte, aber auch eine starke Auflehnung hervorrief.

Anna Rosas Familie wurde aufgrund ihrer “falschen” Religion und ihrer inkompatiblen sozialen Stellung gegenüber der starren kulturellen Norm des ländlichen Dorfes “ausgegrenzt” und gemieden. Diese Strukturen waren nach wie vor patriarchalisch, homophob monoreligiös und autoritär.  

All diese Menschen, die anderen ein solch erdrückendes Netz der Konformität aufzwangen, hatten noch wenige Jahre zuvor mit Begeisterung massive Menschenrechtsverletzungen und Völkermord unterstützt.  Anna Rosa hat sich dieser Geschichte gestellt. Sie fühlte große Scham und Schuldgefühle, aber auch Wut und tiefe Traurigkeit über all die Versuche, ihr die schöpferischen Möglichkeiten zu nehmen, die sie sich für die Verbindung zwischen den Kulturen vorgestellt hatte. Ihr Ziel war Gemeinsamkeit mit Menschen, die aus jedwedem Grund ‚anders‘ sind, zu pflegen, die Vielfalt bejahen, großzügig und aufgeschlossen zu sein.  Sie versprach sich selbst, Normen und Stereotypen zu überwinden, kreative Allianzen zu knüpfen und mutig und fröhlich anders zu sein.

Anna Rosa war in Bewegung und fühlte sich im Transitbereich zu Hause, dem “neutralen Terrain” zwischen den Grenzen zweier Kulturen, dem mythischen Raum der Transformation. Hier traf sie andere beherzte Suchende, die wie sie einen Traum hatten, eine Vision von lebendigen, farbigen und vielfältigen Gemeinschaften, die zusammenwirken.

Zu diesem Zeitpunkt begann auch Anna Rosa, sich abzuspalten. Die Liebe, die Sicherheit und die Zugehörigkeit der ersten Jahre waren nicht mehr da, die Beziehungen zwischen Familie und Gemeinschaft waren zerrüttet. Als Teenager hatte sie dafür gekämpft, ihre Mutter vor dem Tod zu bewahren, ihren Bruder zu beschützen,. Sie versuchte zu reparieren, was nicht funktionierte, und wehrte sich gegen die Aggressionen und die Gewalt ihres Vaters, bis sie eines Tages kurz davor war, ihn anzugreifen, als er drohte, Ziska zu töten.

Wie bei vielen Kindern in traumatischen Situationen ist die Abspaltung der inneren und der äußeren Persönlichkeit ein Mittel zur Bewältigung, um zu überleben.  Äußerlich auf die soziale Bestätigung ihres Selbstwertgefühls ausgerichtet, strebte Anna Rosa danach, in der sozio-ökonomischen Sphäre des Lebens erfolgreich zu sein und Höchstleistungen zu erbringen.  Sie war intelligent, ehrgeizig und extravertiert und wollte in der interkulturellen Kommunikation weltweit arbeiten. Die faszinierenden Projekte von Anna Rosa werden im nächsten Essay beschrieben.

Ihre innere Persona, das emotionale Wesen, blieb gefangen und wurde von ihrer externen Persona unerbittlich kontrolliert. Über die Jahre entwickelte sich in ihr ein verwundetes Herz, das sich nach Liebe und Geborgenheit sehnte. Verletzlichkeit zu zeigen und ihren Schmerz, ihre Scham und ihre Sehnsucht mitzuteilen, war ein Schwächezeichen, zu gefährlich, um es zu enthüllen.

Ihr ganzes Leben lang riefen diese kritischen, angstmachenden Dämonen oft emotionale Dissonanzen hervor, als feindselige Urteile, die auf Fehler und Unzulänglichkeiten hinwiesen.

Ein andermal war das Bedürfnis nach Rettung vor sich selbst durch einen starken, moralisch aufrechten, voll engagierten Anderen zu verspüren. „Habe ich nach Helden aus Ziskas Büchern gesucht,“ frage sich Anna Rosa? 

Waren das meine Vorbilder? Anna Rosa überlegte: “Habe ich versucht, Ziskas Träume zu erfüllen?

In späteren Jahren betrachtete Anna Rosa ihre Beziehungen. War es trügerisch, dass zwei Aspekte meines Wesens, die damals nicht integriert waren, vor der Tür eines Liebhabers auftauchten? Eine attraktive äußere Erscheinung, kultiviert und weltgewandt. Gleichzeitig erschien die innere Persona, ein selbstverliebtes, bedürftiges Kind, das Schwierigkeiten hatte, andere so zu akzeptieren, wie sie waren.  Sie hatte Erwartungen und stellte Anforderungen, was sie von ihren Partnern verlangte. 

In ihren reiferen Jahren begab sich Anna Rosa auf eine spirituelle Visionssuche, um Integration und inneren Frieden zu finden. Sie fühlte sich zu den Cederbergen in Südafrika hingezogen, wilde und wunderschöne Felslandschaften, die das Geheimnis alter Geister in sich bergen.

Anna Rosa fastete und lebte in Abgeschiedenheit. Nachts schlief sie auf einer dünnen Schaumstoffmatte unter dem majestätischen Sternenhimmel. Frühmorgens baute sie ein behelfsmäßiges Zelt auf, das ihr an heißen Sommertagen Schatten spendete.  

Eines Tages, wie aus dem Nichts, spürte sie eine überwältigend starke Energie, die sie umgab und in die Knie zwang. Sie erschien als eine majestätische, unaussprechlich gütige, kraftvolle und weise Energie.

Eine eindringliche Botschaft wurde Anna Rosa übermittelt: “Nicht den  Weg der Wütenden. Folge meinem Weg – was du vor dir siehst, ist wer du bist – sei so.  – Liebe, Weisheit und Barmherzigkeit”. Anna Rosa war zutiefst ergriffen. Sie erinnerte sich an spirituellen Gedichte von Jalaludin Rumi mit dem Titel ” Das Flüstern des Geliebten”.  War dies die Vision, um die sie gebeten hatte?

Anna Rosa, durchbricht den generationenübergreifenden Kreislauf von Bitterkeit, Hass, Selbstmitleid und Scham, den Viele vor dir durchlaufen haben. „Nimm dies als dein Ziel an, um dich selbst zu heilen und anderen zu dienen”.

Und so begann Anna Rosas’ emotionale und spirituelle Transformation, eine Reise, auf der sie sich der Wirklichkeit stellte – einer schmerzhaften, beschämenden und auch sehr hoffnungsvollen Wahrheit.

Anna Rosa akzeptierte, dass der tiefste Schmerz schon früh die moralische Verletzung war – “Ich bin genau wie sie”, flüsterte sie. Und fuhr fort, „auch ich war in dem rassistischen illusionären System der Überlegenheit gefangen, projizierte Schuld und alles, was ich an mir selbst nicht mochte, auf andere und verurteilte andere Menschen“. 

Durch die Lehren ihrer neu gefundenen Familie hier in Südafrika und vieler Freunde hat Anna Rosa erfahren, dass Bereitschaft und Offenheit zu erstaunlichen Entdeckungen führen, was unser gemeinsames Menschsein bedeuten kann.  Sie erinnerte sich an schöne, intime Zeiten, in denen sie mit Ziska sang, anmutige Momente der Liebe, die trotz des Elends geteilt wurden. Heute ist sie auch in der Lage, ihren Vater als sensiblen jungen Mann zu sehen, der aus einem missbrauchenden Elternhaus in den trügerischen Rausch von Grandiosität und Heldentum flüchtete. 

Und jetzt, hier, erlebt Anna Rosa das wundervolle innerer Schönheit und Würde von Menschen, die massive Repressalien und ihre Ausgrenzung während der Apartheid überlebt haben – “durch die Liebe, Gnade und im unerschütterlichen Glauben an Gott“, sagte Mama Nobanthu oft und fügt hinzu, „wir versuchen, unsere Bestimmung zu leben, indem wir angesichts von Leiden innere Resilienz entwickeln und einen Zustand der Lebensfreude anstelle von Groll und Bitterkeit anstreben” ( Zitat von Arch Bishop Desmond Tutu).

Während emotional und spirituell heilenden Gruppendialogen spricht Anna Rosa offen über ihren Prozess der Heilung ihrer eigenen Geschichte. Die abgespaltenen Persönlichkeiten, all die externalisierten Bewältigungsmuster und sabotierenden Aspekte sind heute willkommene Begleiter, die alle Teile von Anna Rosa in Einklang bringen, so zu sein, und sich für  Herzensgüte für selbst und andere zu öffnen.

Sie fährt fort: “Verletzlichkeit im Einklang mit Integrität zu zeigen, öffnet eine Tür zum Herzen, durch die der andere eintreten kann – ein sicherer und liebevoller Raum. – Mögen wir so den palästinensischen Frauen, Männern und Kindern gegenüber warm und einladend sein”.

Wir befinden uns inmitten einer seismischen Verschiebung der Weltordnung. Die vom so genannten Globalen Norden propagierten Werte wie respektvolle zwischenmenschliche Beziehungen, Gleichheit und Gerechtigkeit, werden in Frage gestellt, weil das erdrückende Schweigen über die grausame Zerstörung Palästinas die Seelen zerstört.  Die Definition von Demokratie erscheint heute aus der Sicht Vieler hohl und widersprüchlich; sie wird vom Globalen Süden als Vormund zum Schutz der Gesellschaften des Weißen Westens entwickelt angesehen.  Israels ungestraft stattfindender Völkermord, der für alle sichtbar ist, scheint diese Entlarvung der Doppelmoral noch zu beschleunigen.

Das Leiden der Palästinenser ist unsere Bürde und Verpflichtung, ihnen Heilungsmöglichkeiten anzubieten. Meine Essays sind als Einladung zu einem heilenden Dialog gedacht, in dem wir uns gemeinsam unserer Geschichte stellen.

Wir hoffen auch, eines Tages junge Israelis dazu willkommen zu heißen. Sie sind teilweise tief in Hass und Zerstörungswut versunken und wirken dadurch so entmenschlicht. Wir Deutschen kennen das!

Elke Geising

Demons clouded my soul but always, angels lift my heart.

This essay tells the first part of Anna Rosa’s story, the world she is born into and must navigate while facing incompatible scenarios. Strong currents threaten to pull her into the abyss, the underworld where demons reign. Powerful life force lifts her to see the possibilities and beauty of human connectedness. Intercultural Communication became Anna Rosa’s lifelong dream. It springs from being rooted in other worlds, the invisible realm, and from the guidance of wise and kind guardian spirits.

Anna Rosa was born in an airplane and has been on the move ever since. Her mother Ziska insisted that she saw the pyramids while gasping for air during labor pains. Anna Rosa’s father Anton swears they were crossing over the Pantheon in Athens. And the pilot noted ‘baby girl delivered safely upon landing at Aman airport, Jordan.’
And what do you say, Anna-Rosa? “I was born between worlds; and feel most at home in the zone of friction, the liminal space. – between the establishment and the revolution”. She continues, “It is my calling to be a cycle breaker of transgenerational hate and bitterness within and between us”.

For Anna Rosa, it has been a long and laborious process through the minefields of cultural, moral, and relational politics of fragmentation.
She was born during a time of great turmoil in Germany a year after the end of genocide and invasive Nazi warfare with the resulting retaliatory Second World War.
People were on the move, profoundly disoriented from the consequences of their deeds. Millions were searching for a new beginning, dreaming of idyllic family life, and belonging again as proper, correct humans.

Why didn’t we remember what that was like and today show empathy and solidarity as we witness the unspeakable, catastrophic extermination of Palestinians?
Back then, a blanket of silence and denial was drawn over the national German psyche. Consciousness about murderous history and complicity were split off and sent undercover. – underground.

The deliberate, culturally engineered post-Nazi ‘recovery’ collectively focused on economic success – the fabled German Economic Miracle – see what we built, made, achieved, and own –proof that we are worthy.
For many, this was a moral bypass, not facing, owning, and mourning the consequences of cruel, dehumanizing choices made before. It was denial at all costs. The consequences for many were deep fragmentation of identity: the good outer performer – and the exiled and suppressed inner, emotional, moral, and spiritual self.
And as smoothly, society grounded again in an authoritative, cultural mindset of Christian values and white dominance entitlement.
This fragmentation is so deeply ingrained that today’s most brutal and cruel genocidal erasure of Palestinian life and belonging is relegated so easily and effortlessly into the parched moral underground.
Anna Rosa’s recurring dream of being born in an airplane reflects the ambitions of her parents for their newborn, tabula rasa, immaculate so to speak. New-born Germans were both, the hope for redemption and the inheritors of unaddressed guilt, shame, and anger – the trans-generational trauma baggage.

Ziska encouraged her daughter to move into the world. She gave Anna Rosa recently published biographies of pioneer men and women. These newfound heroes were active in other parts of the world, fearlessly engaged as social activists against racism and bigotry. It doesn’t have to be this way was Ziska’s message. It can be different. A marching order of sorts for Anna Rosa perhaps in some way to fulfill her mother’s own, interrupted fantasies.
That is as far as mother and daughter could work through personal and collective guilt and shame together, albeit indirectly. The family’s inner demons kept roaring and clawing their way to dominance. Alcoholism, bitterness, depression, and violence prevailed, leaving behind two bewildered children, Anna Rosa and her brother.

Instead of a carefree, untarnished new life, way too soon for Anna Rosa, much-needed relationships were disintegrating, already broken. A dying mother, in such pain and desperation, drowning in the waves of violence, venom, and spiritual vandalism thrust at her by a hateful, psychotic, alcoholic husband.
School, village, community, and church were oppressively normative, punitive, and righteous, which frightened her but also triggered strong rebellion.

Anna Rosa’s family was ‘othered’ and ostracized because of ‘their wrong’ religion and incompatible social standing, vis a vis the rural village’s rigid cultural norm. Those were based on patriarchal, homophobic mono-religious structures.
All these people who cast such an oppressive net of conformity had just a few years before enthusiastically supported mass human rights violations and genocide. Anna Rosa faced that history and felt deafening shame and guilt, but also anger, and deep sadness about all those attempts to rob her of imagined creative possibilities for connecting across cultures.
She fought the ‘system’ to hold on to idealism, the vision of life’s possibilities. She held on to the passionate desire to pursue and live in diversity-affirming, generous, open-minded relationships with people who were different for any reason. She promised herself to transcend norms and stereotypes, forge creative alliances, and be courageously and happily different.
Anna Rosa was on the move, feeling at home in the transitory space the ‘neutral terrain’ between the borders cultures, the mystical space of transition. She felt comfortable here and met spirited seekers who like her had a dream, a vision of vibrant, colorfully diverse communities collaborating.

This is when Anna Rosa’ began to split off too. Love, safety, and belonging during the early years had vanished; family and community relations were broken. As a teenager, she had fought to save her mother from dying, rescued and protected her brother, tried to fix what didn’t work, and fended off her father’s aggression and violence, coming close to attacking him one day as he threatened to kill Ziska.
As a way of coping, as many children do in traumatic situations, splitting off the inner and outer persona denotes survival. Externally focused on self-worth creation, Anna Rosa thrust herself into achieving and performing in the socio-economic sphere of life. She was bright, ambitious, and extraverted and wanted to work in intercultural communication globally. Anna Rosa’s amazing ventures will be revealed in the next essay.

Her inner persona, the emotional being remained imprisoned, and fiercely controlled. A wounded heart, longing for love and home. Showing vulnerability and sharing her pain, shame, and yearning were marks of weakness, too dangerous to reveal.
Throughout her life, those critical, fear-mongering demons often stirred emotional dissonances, as judgments pointing out faults and shortcomings.
Other times, neediness emerged for being rescued from herself by a strong, morally upright fully dedicated, accomplished other. ‘Was I looking for heroes from Ziska’s books.? Were those my idols’? Anna Rosa contemplated ‘did I try to fulfill Ziska’s dreams’?

In later years, Anna Rosa reflected on her relationships. Was it deceitful, that two aspects of my being, not integrated at those times, showed up at a lover’s doorstep? A dazzling outer appearance, sophisticated and worldly. Along as well emerged the inner persona, a self-absorbed, needy child who had difficulty accepting others for who they were. This one created illusions and expectations of what she demanded partners to be.

In her maturing years Anna Rosa embarked on a Vision Quest journey, seeking integration and inner peace. She felt drawn to the Cederberg Mountains in South Africa, wild and ruggedly beautiful rock formations that conjure the mystery of ancient spirits they hold.
Anna Rosa fasted and lived in solitude. At night, she slept on a thin foam mat under the majestic star-studded sky. Early mornings she assembled a makeshift tent for shade during hot summer days.
One day, seemingly out of nowhere she felt an overwhelmingly powerful energy surrounding her, forcing her to her knees. It appeared as a majestic, unspeakably kind, forceful, and wise vibration.
A powerful message was conveyed: “Not that way, my way – what you see is who you are – be that. – love, wisdom and unending mercy”. Anna Rosa was profoundly moved. She recalled Jalaludin Rumi’s poetry, called, ‘Whispers from the Beloved”. Was this the vision she had asked for?
“Break that transgenerational cycle of bitterness, hate, self-pity, and shame of many who went before you. Embrace this as your purpose for healing yourself and as service to others”.
And so began Anna Rosas’s emotional and spiritual transformation, a journey of facing truth – painful, shameful, and hopeful truth.

Anna Rosa accepted that the deepest pain early on was the moral injury –“I am just like ‘them” she whispered. I too got caught in the racist illusionary system of superiority, projecting blame and all I did not like about myself onto others, outcasting people.

From the teaching by her newfound family here in South Africa and many friends, Anna Rosa experienced that willingness and open-mindedness lead to amazing discoveries of what our shared humanness can mean. She remembered beautiful, intimate times singing with Ziska, graceful moments of love shared despite misery. Today she can see her father as a sensitive young man, bolting from an abusive home into the false promise of grandiosity and heroism.

And now again, here, witnessing the magnitude of inner beauty and dignity shown by people who had survived massive assaults and exclusion during Apartheid – ‘By the Grace of and with unwavering faith in God’.
In the words of Archbishop Desmon Tutu, “We seek to live our purpose by building inner capacity in the face of adversity and seek to achieve a state of felicity instead of resentment and bitterness”.

Anna Rosa felt called to initiate and lead reparative dialog, which has taken place now for many years. More in the essay ‘What South Africa can teach us’.

During emotionally and spiritually healing meetings, Anna Rosa openly speaks about her process of healing history in herself. ‘My split-off personas, all those externalized coping and life management patterns and sabotaging aspects are accepted companions today; alignment of all parts of me, trusting divine purpose for being so, and opening to loving kindness for self and others.
She continues ‘showing vulnerability aligned with integrity opens a door to the heart for the other to enter – a safe and loving space. – May we be warm and welcoming to Palestinian women and children’.

We are in the midst of a seismic shift in the world order. Values propagated by the so-called Global North, as standards for respectful human relations, equality, and equity are questioned as the result of soul-destroying silence about the cruel destruction of Palestine. The definition of democracy appears hollow and inconsistent today; seen by the Global South as engineered by and for the protection of White West societies. Israel’s genocide with impunity for all to see seems to expedite this exposure of double standards.

The suffering of Palestinians is our burden and obligation to offer healing. My essays are intended as an invitation to engage in healing dialog, facing our history together and initiating restorative collaborative action.

And then one day we can invite young Israelis who were so caught in hate and destruction, becoming so sadly dehumanized. We Germans share that journey.

THE END

A baby girl, haloed by the flashlights of the Wise Men who rescued her from the rubble in Gaza. Her parents were found, lifeless.

No one knew her name, so her new uncles gave her a very special one: Salaam • Peace. One day, Salaam will ask all of us: where were you when my people in Gaza were starved, bombarded, obliterated?

Dear Salaam, I am an old woman of German descent. I want to speak my truth to your question. By that, I wish to honour your precious humanity, that of your parents, relatives, and historic Palestine.
There once was a wise man here in South Africa. Many people from the Global South will tell you about his fearless moral stance against Apartheid. And about his passionate solidarity with historic Palestine. His name is Archbishop Desmond Tutu (1931 – 2021). He shines the light of hope, that human decency will always find torchbearers. “We are made for goodness. We are made for love. We are made for friendliness. We are made for togetherness. We are made to tell the world that there are no outsiders”. Desmond Tutu.

I am thankful for his un-corruptible dignity and loving kindness and that of many women and men, young and old, and for Black Life in South Africa.

My parents were Nazis and enthusiastically participated in the genocide of Jewish people; and in killing millions of people in Eastern Europe and elsewhere. Throughout my life, I sought to redeem my parents and their evil choices. My vision since young has been to build bridges across the divide of out-casting and othering people.

I call it intercultural communication: Engaging in healing dialog with each other, challenging normative and exclusionary barriers, superior entitlement, and the splitting off into an outer compliant persona and locked up inner frightened heart. During conversations with young South Africans about the Holocaust and as a benefitting white in Apartheid South Africa I often talk about that split-off; the stunning dichotomy of loving parents on the one hand and their monstrous aspects as accomplices in the Nazi killing machine.

This may one day haunt Israeli children too as they seek to navigate life in the aftermath of gross human rights violations and their country’s cruel wars on Palestinians.

I have been tracking (with an open heart) the vicious campaign of annihilation in your home country. I feel shame and great sadness about the cruel sadism of Israeli destructiveness; some perversely enjoying the deep pain they cause. A documentary film called “1920: The Other Palestine” depicts what Edward Said, called a (tragic) paradox; ‘that the goals of saving the Jews as a people from homelessness and anti-Semitism and restoring them to nationhood necessitated the dispossession of indigenous Palestinians’.

As I witness the suffering of Palestinians, Nazi-German and Israeli brutality overlap in my dreams and memory. I see so many similarities. The brainwashing of people to embrace an ideology of eliminating the demonized ‘Other’. Deceitful leaders who promise a safer, better life after annihilating the ‘scum of the earth’ enemy. I hear the language of Nazi demagogues and see those words flowing from the mouth of Zionist extremists.

My parents identified as victims and then turned into perpetrators. Their image dissolve into that of Israeli hate speakers becoming vicious tormentors; these are recurring dreams.

I researched the killing of guerilla fighters in Greece. Nazi killing squads hunted freedom fighters. My father was part of that. For every German soldier killed, entire villages and towns were erased; burnt to the ground, men, women children elderly were all shot and burnt. In my dreams, I see the hate in those German faces, the cruel sadistic glee in their eyes. These pictures merge with footage of Israeli snipers shooting terrified Palestinian civilians in schools and hospitals.

These images fade into nightmarish terror about the absence of any human emotion, void of even a sliver of compassion, or human decency. They were/are dehumanized killing machines both, Nazi-Germans and Israelis, so similar.

What humanness is left in a person ‘ordering’ that Palestinians are not allowed to ‘feel’ the pain or joy of reuniting with family? It is monstrous to ‘forbid’ Palestinian families a moment of celebrating the return of loved ones from Israeli imprisonment. I feel deep disappointment about today’s silence in Germany; no press coverage of the Israeli brutal obliteration of historic Palestine, its people, and their land. German media censorship agreed to biased language such as ‘The war on Hamas’, thus erasing the identity and suffering of Palestinian people.

So Salaam, to honor you, all Palestinians, I will not be silenced, I say:

NO. I do not owe loyalty to those in the Israeli government or society who enthusiastically support the obliteration of Palestinians and their land.

NO. to being manipulated or threatened into accepting Israeli killers as victims who need to be justified by German hero-worshipping. This makes us complicit, again! In genocide.

NO. to the horror Israeli killers unleash on Palestinians, the teacher, doctor, musician, artist, mother, grandfather, journalist, nurse, entrepreneur, the innocent children like Salaam.

I say to Israeli warmongors: “You cannot destroy the souls or the dignity of Palestinians. You can only destroy your own humanness. With each violent, hateful, destructive act you die a little, until your heart is frozen, ice cold; you become bitter, then broken, and unloved. I have witnessed that in my own family after the end of Nazi Germany; they were imprisoned by their evil choices; they destroyed each other and then themselves soon after.

I speak up because I know the destructive legacy you leave in the hearts and souls of your own children. The terror that burns inside them. They will hide it and silence it with self-pity (or rage); with drugs, alcohol, domestic violence or self-harming. Already we hear stories of young Israeli soldiers, women and men, who compulsively take showers all day. After killing Palestinians they desperately try to wash the blood off their hands, over and over again. We hear stories of soldiers who drink and drug before embarking on killing missions, then drink and drug during, and then even more after. That is what Nazi killers did too, My family told stories like that.

“When we see others as the enemy, we risk becoming what we hate. When we oppress others, we end up oppressing ourselves. All of our humanity is dependent upon recognizing the humanity in others”. Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Please Salaam, keep that flame of hope alive. You will hear testimonies of courageous Jewish people and others the world over who stand against the genocide of Palestinians, like these: “We cannot allow the moral soul of Judaism to perish with our collective silence on Israel’s genocidal war on Palestinians in Gaza” (Amanda Gelender)

“We are crying with Palestinians” Rabbi Zule Oskan, Jewish Anti-Zionist Group, Istanbul.

I pray for your well-being. dear Salaam, and that of your new uncles. And, that the grandchildren of my family here in South Africa and in Germany will greet you one day with respect, and loving kindness. May you explore and create together and honour human decency.

May peace be with you – soon!

Elke Geising – Cape Town, South Africa December 2023

Today the world is watching as South Africa stands up against gross human rights violations and genocidal destruction of Palestine. That’s a biblical moment, David versus Goliath, the latter an overwhelmingly destructive military and financial force; the unholy alliance of Israel, the USA, and the European Union.

South Africa can teach us precious lessons about our human interconnectedness. We witness dimensions of human decency, of honoring the human beauty in the other, of dignity that radiates powerfully above all cruelties of apartheid. I am so very thankful for this teaching and say:

“From shame to grace; South Africa guided me to sanity – to spiritual opening, the willingness to change and sharing from heart space. I want to talk about making peace with our past, accepting, sharing honestly, and breaking the inner silence and the locked-away feelings of shame and resentment. Let us be open to moral imagination and solidarity.

I watched a video streaming from Gaza. Men and women, on their way to makeshift blood donation sites, vigilantly navigate a path through incessant bombing. Despite utter despair, hunger, and exhaustion, they give their lifeblood to injured compatriots. These powerful images of life – love flowing through thin syringes from the veins of one Palestinian to another forced me to my knees – such grace, human decency.

We don’t have to remain addicted to guilt or passive-aggressive silence about our history as Germans, or colonial whites anywhere. It keeps us in a state of defensiveness, self-centeredness, and splitting off; My experience of that will be covered in the next essays.

This piece addresses my history as a descendant of collective colonial aggressor cultures. I have lived and worked globally all my life with willingness and open-mindedness for meeting one another. My vision since young has been to seek intercultural collaboration – creative as well as restorative. Essentially though, I accept the larger context of having benefitted from Northern, Christian white colonial cultural norms throughout my life.

I hope to share my learning and inspire young ones who want to work and live internationally and collaboratively. They will need exposure and a roadmap for navigating mindful living across increasingly hostile chasms between societies. I write this from a sense of urgency, witnessing the cruel, intentional extermination of Palestinian lives and homes by Israel & Partners. This is very painful, deeply shaming, and very alarming.

For a long time, I thought that the sophisticated, systemic extermination planned and executed by educated Germans was the benchmark of evil. And that in the 21st century, we would have learned and lived with greater degrees of enlightenment and mindfulness.

Not so, I am filled with deep sorrow today. We witness AI perfected, barbaric techno warfare with genocidal intentions masterminded by sophisticated well-educated destroyers of any semblance of human decency – or respect for human dignity – Israel & Partners.

I feel shame and disillusionment. Yet, I also have to face my ignorance for so long, following’ US / European mainstream media as a source of information. In a way, I too betrayed Palestinians, not looking deeper at Israel’s (and British) systematic and sadistic dehumanizing of Palestinians since 1920.

My parents’ generation and many before, still now, ostracized Jewish people. It was my wish to meet and befriend the outcast, othered. Lasting friendships were formed in many places. As a member of visionary, cross–cultural project teams we built global communications networks. I reported to Jewish managers. We accomplished amazing pioneering work together and still reminisce sometimes today.

I write this because I need to distinguish between the Zionist ideology of superiority and entitlement and on the other side, beautiful human connectedness between many people of diverse heritage, many Jewish people included the world over. Many engagements for human decency, supporting each other with care and dignity towards life’s unfolding, are taking place. They stand in profound contrast to those forces that brutally extinguish people they have ‘othered and demonized’. A racist, superiority stance cannot consider the trauma inflicted on so many, the sewing of hate, and the deep split between societies worldwide. This is the history that will live in their descendants They will carry such lasting traumatic consequences for time to come. It will burden innocent Palestinians for the rest of their lives.

“Are your parents in the photographs”? A young woman asks me as we look at a wall of pictures documenting scenes from German atrocities against Jewish people.

For several years, once a month I spoke at the Cape Town Holocaust Foundation. The foundation’s educational director had created awareness-raising workshops on the destructive consequences of stereotyping and demonizing others in Nazi Germany and here during Apartheid in South Africa. .

Groups of high school learners, teachers, social workers, and university students participated in personal story-sharing, role-playing exercises, and a guided walk through the Holocaust Museum. These groups reflect the diversity of ethnicity and faith present in South Africa.

Regularly, attendees heard testimonials from Holocaust survivors. It was humbling to then follow with my experience as a descendant of Nazi Germany. I start with: “Yes, my parents were Nazis and enthusiastically participated in the unfolding genocide”. As I speak about my struggle with this heritage I show family photos, my parents in uniform, and being in love; then film scenes of annihilation which I had researched and in which my father participated. Often, I joined during the museum tour and answered questions. “My parents could be any German you see in these pictures”, I say.

With a heavy heart, I point to a scene where men in brown uniforms use wooden clubs to viciously beat several people. The victims of this brutal assault wore yellow stars on their chests. They had sunken to the ground, bleeding, some pleading. Bystanders formed a circle around, deliberately witnessing this brutal killing; some with blank stares and others cheering on the murderers.

This is my history. I can acknowledge trans-generational traumatizing memory as a descendant of perpetrator cultures. With help from Jewish and black moral leaders and friends here, I found the courage to investigate the victim–aggressor dance in myself. I openly speak about shame, anger; and especially the inner–outer split-off. such as selective empathy (Mays Imad), and moral blindsiding of the self in the collective (cultural) context.

Feeling deep sadness: I say:” My parents, how could they’? They were, at least for a short while, loving parents to us. And then I discovered their destructive aspects as enforcers of an evil genocidal campaign. .

I encountered this splitting off again when I moved to SA, into the heart of Apartheid. Both my societies were in deep denial, ‘wilful ignorance’ (Achille Mbembe). A tragic dissociation of the personal seeking love and belonging in closed communities of ‘likeminded folks’ and instantly able to switch into ‘the outer socially conforming persona’; complicit in and enforcing dehumanizing ideology. I had to face my own fragmentation. I know, today that fear, jealousy, and anger exist in me and easily turn me into an aggressor, hurting others even in little ways. And how equally easy it is to switch to feeling like a victim. pointing to the acts of others that feel hurtful, like someone is out to do something to me. And what a relief it can be to judge others as good or bad as a way of controlling and securing my moral high ground.

Looking honestly and owning all aspects of myself, speaking openly to that in dialog meetings has been the path towards accepting and making peace with history in myself. This is my journey from shame to grace.

In my next essay, I write about the process of integrating split-off aspects. An honest, intentional opening towards acceptance and the ability to grieve and forgive self and others. This has given me courage to witness the unbearable, painful suffering of Palestinians. And to speak my truth, ‘no, not in my name’, to Israeli savage killers. You were the recipient of that hate, extermination by my family, Nazis; and now you have become them – vicious and inhumane. After each dialog session, I end with: “We need to talk, let us be in dialogue with each other about our history, and build bridges across the personal and collective divide.

Beyond enlightenment and educational degrees, we need to open our hearts, talk about our feelings, all of them, sharing vulnerability and work through shame barriers. Together we can touch the strands of our inherent human beauty.